Friday, January 21, 2011
Sweet 16
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Enemy
..that is me.
At one time, I was the most important person in her world and she could not stand to be away from me. She slept in my bed for 12 years. In kindergarten, she cried for hours when I left her at school. For months. When she went to Europe with my dad at age 11, she sobbed for hours on the plane. We both struggled with separation, but it was healthy for both of us.
I am writing about my teenager daughter who is about to turn 16. She rarely seems to need me anymore and is openly disrespectful much of the time. I am glad she is growing up and developing her independence. But does she have to be so hostile?
Of course she does need me, but I'm not sure how to parent her. She and I were alone for many years and she is a bit "spoiled." It is so hard for me to "put my foot down." I just expect that she will make the right decisions. However, she has made some BIG mistakes in the last year and I worry about her impulsive behavior and eagerness to please anyone except me. But I am also so proud of her. I'm proud of who she is and what she has accomplished.
Yet, I also worried that she is SO self-centered. She never buys me a gift or acknowledges me at Christmas, my birthday or Mother's Day. But she wants me to help her be generous with her friends. This really does feel like a thankless job. But more than that, I want her to be a generous human being who recognizes the needs and pain of others. I'm not sure if she does.
How much of this is normal teenage angst and drama and how much is a sign that things are not going well, I do not know. She is a confused girl. the world sees her as this very together girl who is good at many things. I see deeper and it worries me.
I am tired of being the enemy. I love her so much and want her to know that I am on her side. But realistically, this isn't going to happen soon.
If any moms of teenage girls have any insight, it would be greatly appreciated. My other daughter turned 13 last week! I have only been her mom for 2 1/2 years, so this will be a different experience. BUT...2 teenage daughters? I'm not sure if I'm ready.
At one time, I was the most important person in her world and she could not stand to be away from me. She slept in my bed for 12 years. In kindergarten, she cried for hours when I left her at school. For months. When she went to Europe with my dad at age 11, she sobbed for hours on the plane. We both struggled with separation, but it was healthy for both of us.
I am writing about my teenager daughter who is about to turn 16. She rarely seems to need me anymore and is openly disrespectful much of the time. I am glad she is growing up and developing her independence. But does she have to be so hostile?
Of course she does need me, but I'm not sure how to parent her. She and I were alone for many years and she is a bit "spoiled." It is so hard for me to "put my foot down." I just expect that she will make the right decisions. However, she has made some BIG mistakes in the last year and I worry about her impulsive behavior and eagerness to please anyone except me. But I am also so proud of her. I'm proud of who she is and what she has accomplished.
Yet, I also worried that she is SO self-centered. She never buys me a gift or acknowledges me at Christmas, my birthday or Mother's Day. But she wants me to help her be generous with her friends. This really does feel like a thankless job. But more than that, I want her to be a generous human being who recognizes the needs and pain of others. I'm not sure if she does.
How much of this is normal teenage angst and drama and how much is a sign that things are not going well, I do not know. She is a confused girl. the world sees her as this very together girl who is good at many things. I see deeper and it worries me.
I am tired of being the enemy. I love her so much and want her to know that I am on her side. But realistically, this isn't going to happen soon.
If any moms of teenage girls have any insight, it would be greatly appreciated. My other daughter turned 13 last week! I have only been her mom for 2 1/2 years, so this will be a different experience. BUT...2 teenage daughters? I'm not sure if I'm ready.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
2011...So far
So far so good with some minor glitches.
Today I met with an agency that is going to provide my middle school kids with some therapy and some other family services. It will be nice to have someone to give advice and even give me a break! I was shocked when the woman said they would take the kids on "outings."
The woman asked me how things have changed in the last two years since the younger kids arrived. She was amused when I described it: I said, "Back then, my life looked like the first 20 minutes of a "Super Nanny" episode" ALL THE TIME. And worse. How come the houses on Super Nanny always look so nice?
It's not like that anymore, but we still have our moments and life never feels completely "normal."
Yet, what single parent of 4 teens and pre-teens can say their life is "normal"? It may be, but it sure doesn't feel like it.
I appreciate everyone's blogs because I have found people who can relate to what I go through. It is a rather lonely life especially for a single parent (although that can have its advantages too). I don't know anyone in "real life" who has a life similar to mine. But there are still many people who empathize and want to help my kids. I need to learn to accept more support instead of trying to be so stubbornly independent.
So, this is a big step for me in seeking assistance after 2 1/2 years of going it alone. We'll see how it goes.
Today I met with an agency that is going to provide my middle school kids with some therapy and some other family services. It will be nice to have someone to give advice and even give me a break! I was shocked when the woman said they would take the kids on "outings."
The woman asked me how things have changed in the last two years since the younger kids arrived. She was amused when I described it: I said, "Back then, my life looked like the first 20 minutes of a "Super Nanny" episode" ALL THE TIME. And worse. How come the houses on Super Nanny always look so nice?
It's not like that anymore, but we still have our moments and life never feels completely "normal."
Yet, what single parent of 4 teens and pre-teens can say their life is "normal"? It may be, but it sure doesn't feel like it.
I appreciate everyone's blogs because I have found people who can relate to what I go through. It is a rather lonely life especially for a single parent (although that can have its advantages too). I don't know anyone in "real life" who has a life similar to mine. But there are still many people who empathize and want to help my kids. I need to learn to accept more support instead of trying to be so stubbornly independent.
So, this is a big step for me in seeking assistance after 2 1/2 years of going it alone. We'll see how it goes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)