Condiments

When did all meals have to be accompanied by every condiment in the fridge?  I don't remember meals when I was a child involving condiments unless we were having hamburgers or hot dogs.  Then it was usually ketchup.  But my children want condiments with everything.  It seems that for every meal, someone wants ranch, honey mustard, barbecue sauce, thousand island dressing, blue cheese dressing, spicy mustard, salsa, sweet and sour, tartar sauce, hot sauce.  Sometimes ketchup which has become blase.

I think it comes from three events:  the advent of chicken nuggets;  places that serve wings with their pizza including an array of  condiment choices; and school lunches where a wide variety of condiments are always available .  My kids think you have to dip your pizza in something especially ranch dressing or some kind of buttery garlic sauce.

I think I am too controlling in this area.  For chicken nuggets, the sky's the limit.  But for everything else, I think it's unnecessary and uncouth to dip everything in a sauce.  Tartar sauce is for fried seafood only, doggone it!  I guess I'm a food snob.  But I just find it irritating.

I wonder if this is just my house or if condiments are overrepresented at other houses.  Is it possible for a household to survive without ranch dressing in the house?

Sweet 16

My baby is turning 16!  It is hard to even process that the years between the first photo in this post taken in 1995 and the last taken last year have gone by so quickly.  She is such a beautiful person and I cannot imagine my life without her.  She breaks my heart because she is such a big part of it.  Happy Birthday!

The Enemy

..that is me.

At one time, I was the most important person in her world and she could not stand to be away from me.  She slept in my bed for 12 years.  In kindergarten, she cried for hours when I left her at school.  For  months.  When she went to Europe with my dad at age 11, she sobbed for hours on the plane.  We both struggled with separation, but it was healthy for both of us.

I am writing about my teenager daughter who is about to turn 16.  She rarely seems to need me anymore and is openly disrespectful much of the time.  I am glad she is growing up and developing her independence.  But does she have to be so hostile? 

Of course she does need me, but I'm not sure how to parent her.  She and I were alone for many years and she is a bit "spoiled."  It is so hard for me to "put my foot down."  I just expect that she will make the right decisions.  However, she has made some BIG mistakes in the last year and I worry about her impulsive behavior and eagerness to please anyone except me.  But I am also so proud of her.  I'm proud of who she is and what she has accomplished.

Yet, I also worried that she is SO self-centered.  She never buys me a gift or acknowledges me at Christmas, my birthday or Mother's Day.  But she wants me to help her be generous with her friends.  This really does feel like a thankless job.  But more than that, I want her to be a generous human being who recognizes the needs and pain of others.  I'm not sure if she does. 

How much of this is normal teenage angst and drama and how much is a sign that things are not going well, I do not know.  She is a confused girl.  the world sees her as this very together girl who is good at many things.  I see deeper and it worries me.

I am tired of being the enemy.  I love her so much and want her to know that I am on her side.  But realistically, this isn't going to happen soon.

If any moms of teenage girls have any insight, it would be greatly appreciated.  My other daughter turned 13 last week!  I have only been her mom for 2 1/2 years, so this will be a different experience.  BUT...2 teenage daughters?  I'm not sure if I'm ready.

2011...So far

 So far so good with some minor glitches.

Today I met with an agency that is going to provide my middle school kids with some therapy and some other family services.  It will be nice to have someone to give advice and even give me a break!  I was shocked when the woman said they would take the kids on "outings."

The woman asked me how things have changed in the last two years since the younger kids arrived.  She was amused when I described it:  I said, "Back then, my life looked like the first 20 minutes of a "Super Nanny" episode"  ALL THE TIME.  And worse.  How come the houses on Super Nanny always look so nice?

It's not like that anymore, but we still have our moments and life never feels completely "normal."

Yet, what single parent of 4 teens and pre-teens can say their life is "normal"?  It may be, but it sure doesn't feel like it.

I appreciate everyone's blogs because I have found people who can relate to what I go through.  It is a rather lonely life especially for a single parent (although that can have its advantages too).  I don't know anyone in "real life" who has a life similar to mine.  But there are still many people who empathize and want to help my kids.  I need to learn to accept more support instead of trying to be so stubbornly independent.

So, this is a big step for me in seeking assistance after 2 1/2 years of going it alone.  We'll see how it goes.

Good Samaritans

Kids are nestled all snug in their beds...I'll be playing Santa soon.

I have had an unusual number of Good Samaritan experiences during the past few weeks and yet another one today.  My mother's gifts to the kids arrived on Monday, but I didn't know it because the slip was lodged in the mailbox.  I found it at 1:15 today.  I called the post office and the woman said they closed at noon.  THEN she said, "If you come right now. I'll give it to you."  I arrived at 1:30 ( an hour and a half after they closed) to the closed post office.  I called back and the woman opened the doors and got my package!  Thanks to her, my kids can call their Bubba and Pop tomorrow to thank them for the gifts.

This is a time of year when I am trying to remember that even with all the stress of our lives, we really are quite fortunate.  And I want to make sure that I pay all the good deeds forward.

A Parent Conference Beat Down

I had a parent conference with all my 6th grader's teachers and the guidance counselor and it has left me feeling discouraged and angry.

Back ground info:  I teach 8th grade at the same middle school my 6th and 7th grade children attend.  My son is extremely bright, but his grades suffer because of his weak organizational skills and extreme ADHD.  He is generally very well-behaved.  He has had no behavior issues at school.

At the meeting, I wanted to make it clear that my child has come a long, long way, but is still dealing with some very basic skills and behaviors at home at times.  In this context, the expectations of 8 classes and 6th grade are challenging.  I am not expecting them to lower their expectations, but I want them to understand.

Here's what I got from one of the teachers:

• If I cannot handle my child at home, how are they supposed to handle him?
• My child would not do the things he does at home if he was HIS son.
• Why don't I set any expectations or consequences at home?
• Since he doesn't respect me, soon he will start disrespecting his teachers.

It was pretty devastating to me.  This is a colleague of mine.  I'm not sure what his motivation is.  Nothing I said was meant to give anyone any of the above impressions.

I feel compelled to stop sharing any background information at all with teachers.  Usually, I think it's helpful, but today it backfired.  Sure, teachers will still think I'm incompetent because my kid is often a mess and rarely has his homework, but I doubt if I will get the harsh statements I got today . 

Part of the problem is that I am insecure about my parenting, so this hit home.  But this person has no idea what it's like to parent traumatized children.  His judgments are harsh.




 

Twenty Things that Make me Smile

Since I have been in a really bad spot in my life lately, I thought I would try to focus on good today!

Little Things that Make Me Smile:

• When Ms. Diva gets a certain happy look on her face and says, "Mommy" and then shares part of her life with me.
• That all my kids call me "Mommy."
• Watching Ms. Tween focus when she's getting ready to dive into the pool.
• Listening to my kids tell "Yo Mama" jokes in the back seat.
• When Little E sings a song he's learned in Chorus while I'm driving.
• When Sean begs to go to the library to check out books.
• When people tell me what good manners my children have.
• Watching Ms. Diva perform with her school marching band at football games.
• Listening to Little E play in the bathtub.
• Last night when Sean said, "Mom, I've noticed when I'm cooperative, you seem a lot happier."
• Watching my cats sleep.
• When my dad said my children are "wonderful."
• When  Little E asked me " What did the grape say to the elephant ?"    I gave up and he responded: "Nothing...grapes can't talk!"
• Talking about the Harry Potter books with my sons.
• Knowing  that all my children will try ANY new food.
• How nonjudgmental and kindhearted my kids are to people with any kind of "difference"
• That all 4 of my kids are thrilled with a trip to the Thrift Store
• Listening to my children read to me.
• That my 3 youngest kids would rather read and play Scrabble than just about anything else.
• That my oldest child would rather do ANYTHING than read books and play Scrabble ; )