Monday, April 25, 2011


I haven't posted in awhile because..well frankly, few people read  my blog, so it's more of a journal....and real life has reared its ugly head often lately.

Here's where I stand in life:

  • My adoption tax credit has gone the way most of ours have...April 5, April 12, April 19, Review.  Endless letters and sending the same stuff.  I called today and they said to call again in 45 days.  But I feel it is an emergency that I need my money NOW.
  • My kids have major issues and I am feeling more and more distant from them...or maybe I have major issues.
  • I have major home repair issues that are pushing me over the top.
  • We have only one sink and one toilet available--no bath or showers, so we'll have to make arrangements.
  • I am despondent tonight...
I don't feel I can deal with any of my issues while my house is literally falling apart.  There are leaks and damage in both of my upstairs bathrooms to the point that showers, toilets and sinks are leaking through the ceiling into the kitchen and are unavailable.  Major leaks that involve six pans, multiple holes and no end in sight.  And incredible mold.  I cannot get the leaking to stop even by shutting off all water and I have to empty all the pans every two hours.  I have to work tomorrow.  I am a middle school special education teacher.

I have a handyman who is trying to help me with some repairs each Saturday for the past few weeks.  He has replaced doors that my kids tore off the hinges, done some bathroom work and he will do many more repairs.  But after this Saturday's visit, everything fell apart.  Both bathrooms started leaking in multiple places...apparently from very old plumbing just decaying.

If I had the tax credit, I'd still be stressed (and terribly disappointed  that I couldn't build a savings for padding), but I could call someone to fix stuff.

Oh, and the electricity went off last week due to faulty wiring, so I have no electricity upstairs...circuit breakers appear fine (thankfully, it's okay downstairs where the major appliances are).

As it stands, I have $8 in my checking account.  I have no reserve.  I get paid again on May 6.  My adoption subsidy will come around the middle of May.  I get for three kids less than what some get for one.  My kids' expectations are that everything is normal and they can demand whatever they usually do.  The leaking from the upstairs toilet is directly on the stove and splattering everywhere, so I have had to make the kitchen off limits.

 I am in a crisis and I hate it.  Although I am usually hanging on by a thread, I still always come through tough times.  But for now,   I can't get the water to stop.  I am alone.  There really is no resolution.  I just have to wait and have every day be like "Ground Hog Day."   Same thing bathrooms, no solution.

I hope that I will have a different perspective tomorrow night...and that the water will STOP.


Denise said...

Oh my! I am SO sorry! I'm in a different situation but I understand the feeling of being unable to keep up with repairs (and wondering why I should even bother since the kids destroy so much in the house!), and of the kids still expecting everything when there's no money. I keep saying that they should go on a missions trip to Africa and see firsthand what it's really like to do without. They're not impressed...

I'm glad you posted and I hope that you find a solution - soon! My daughter and I always say a prayer at night for friends who are having a tough time. We'll include you and your family from now on.

Psycho Mom said...

UGGGHHHHHH!!!! That all just royally sucks. I wish I was close and could come over and plug some holes and help out. You have every right to feel despondent, you are getting nailed from every direction and it has to feel lonely. I am so sorry! I am glad that you put your feelings down on the blog and can at least share it with us. We are out hear and we are listening and we do feel your pain. I wish we could do more than listen and sympathesize. Take care of yourself, and know that we care!

Dia por Dia said...

I am so sorry. You aren't alone. I will be sending you good energy and thoughts. Please let us know how we can help. Hang in there and hoping things get better soon.

mindfulness said...

Thanks, ladies for your concern. I'm feeling better. I have had the water turned off, so while there's lots of inconvenience (showering at other people's houses etc), there is no more dripping.

If I had the tax refund, I would have so much less stress. I could pay to take care of all this. I am so frustrated with that.

But it means a lot that you would take the time to acknowledge this.