Back ground info: I teach 8th grade at the same middle school my 6th and 7th grade children attend. My son is extremely bright, but his grades suffer because of his weak organizational skills and extreme ADHD. He is generally very well-behaved. He has had no behavior issues at school.
At the meeting, I wanted to make it clear that my child has come a long, long way, but is still dealing with some very basic skills and behaviors at home at times. In this context, the expectations of 8 classes and 6th grade are challenging. I am not expecting them to lower their expectations, but I want them to understand.
Here's what I got from one of the teachers:
- If I cannot handle my child at home, how are they supposed to handle him?
- My child would not do the things he does at home if he was HIS son.
- Why don't I set any expectations or consequences at home?
- Since he doesn't respect me, soon he will start disrespecting his teachers.
It was pretty devastating to me. This is a colleague of mine. I'm not sure what his motivation is. Nothing I said was meant to give anyone any of the above impressions.
I feel compelled to stop sharing any background information at all with teachers. Usually, I think it's helpful, but today it backfired. Sure, teachers will still think I'm incompetent because my kid is often a mess and rarely has his homework, but I doubt if I will get the harsh statements I got today .
Part of the problem is that I am insecure about my parenting, so this hit home. But this person has no idea what it's like to parent traumatized children. His judgments are harsh.