I have a better perspective today. I so appreciate the words of support on my blog and on Facebook. It gave me strength. My 16 year old daughter also hugged and kissed me which meant so much.
Today, I felt more angry than distraught. Why should I be bullied? The thought of a stranger coming into my house and putting me down like that...wow! I am already so hard on myself. That was almost unbearable . And she went so far. Even when we stepped outside (and my HUGE lawn was mowed and there we no toys left out), she complained about the spider webs on the siding and the weeds among the bushes and the fact that there was a book on our bench. (Both women kept saying, "We hate mess").
I wrote a letter that I am planning to send to several people and agencies.
Last night at 2:00 am, I was awakened by my 16 year old daughter crying that she had a nightmare and asking if she could sleep with me. This is a totally independent teenager. I asked her about it and she said she dreamed they were taking her away from me and she couldn't stop them. This is a child who was an only child into her teens and then had her world disrupted when I adopted three more kids.
It's been a hard road for all of us and this is the LAST thing she should have to worry about!! But she knows that the social worker did say that she would take "all four" of my kids if the house isn't cleaned "thoroughly". They also let the kids know that they can come by any time. It's like we're hostages in our own home. It's scary because our house is cleaner and tidier than some of the families we know.
I'm not sure what will happen next. I have requested that a supervisor come to my house instead of the two social workers. The deadline for me "cleaning my house thoroughly, exclamation point times two" is next Monday, so I wonder if they'll come then.
And this is all in addition to "real life" stuff.