Lost Opportunity

As regular readers know, I am being investigated by CPS on very weak "charges".  At this point, the charge is a messy house.  Today, I had a reality check when a wonderful group of people from a coworker's church came over to help me with some big projects I need to do at my house.  The planning of this started before the CPS investigation.  These wonderful people are going to help me refloor the whole downstairs, do landscaping, paint and do little jobs such as  replacing ceiling fans.  I decided to tell my co-worker about the CPS thing before he came so he could give me an honest appraisal.  He was shocked.  He said everything about my house looks completely normal and that all of the work I need done is cosmetic (except the big bathroom project that someone has been working on for awhile).  So I guess the camera crew for this hoarder who is in denial will have to wait awhile longer.

So, those are my wonderful opportunities.  But this post is about a lost opporrtunity.

My 16 year old daughter decided she would get started on a big project with the help of one of the church members and she actually completed it after they left.  She and my 12 year old son who is alienated from everyone in the family in some ways and her completely worked together on the entire project.  It was great to see because she ignores him and he doesn't like her.  Yet, he wants her approval so badly.  He wants to be like her.  Heartwarming...yes.  Until I blew it.

I noticed that he was painting too quickly and making some messy errors.  Since it was the foyer  and hallway, I got very agitated because that will be Ms. Social Worker's first view.  So, I went off.  I yelled at her for trusting my very destructive son with such a task and basically crushed his sense  of pride for doing something positive instead of negative.  : (

My daughter let me know I was out of line and I was.  I felt terrible.  The bigger picture was lost because we're all living in terror of this judgmental woman who cannot imagine how we live or what's important to us.

So, we skipped church and I cleaned the house and did house projects from 7 am until midnight.  Does that mean my house was a disaster?  No, it's normal.  It is impossible to make a 2000 square foot house with  10, 12, 13, 16 and 49 year old humans and two teenage (read: old) cats look perfect.  Especially when it's an older home and you're in middle of home improvement projects.

I honestly feel like I have no control over the outcome of this .  It depends on what SHE wants and what SHE says.