Sunday, October 10, 2010

Here's the story...of a nutty lady

I am the mom of children who are 15, 12, 11 and almost 10.

I always wanted to adopt and was in the delivery room with the first baby we planned to adopt 17 years ago.  He was with us for two months and his birthmom changed her mind.  Heartbroken, two years later, I adopted my 15 year old when she was 4 months old in an open adoption.  I was married at the time, but we separated and divorced when she was a toddler.  He is completely out of our lives.

  When Ms. D was 9, I decided to adopt a son.  I went through training to adopt an older (special needs) child and when Ms. D was 11, we started visiting a 7 year old boy who lived in a home for children.  He had issues, but I fell in love with him.  I had no idea how troubled he was.

We drove hours every weekend and eventually brought him to our home.  The next two months brought extreme trauma to us.  He was very violent and we were both assaulted daily.  The public schools would not take him, so he was enrolled in a private school an hour away.  Within two months, he was on their list for a residential placement because he was unable to ride a bus to school.  I tried everything to make this work, but he was hospitalized constantly in children's psychiatric wards.  Our lives were spent in emergency rooms and visiting him in hospitals and all we had to look forward to was visiting him when he was placed in a residential facility (as he had been in his home state).   Finally, the state who was his guardian decided he wasn't ready to be in a family.  Four years later, he is still waiting to be adopted and I feel so guilty about this.  I also feel guilty about the loss of innocence of my daughter.

In 2008, I received a referral for two adorable boys from a far away state.  Their sisters were being adopted in my state, so they wanted to place them here.  While I was arranging to meet the boys, the girls' adoption disrupted.  I was asked to adopt Ms. Tween too.  After we met the 3 kids, I agreed.  Ms. Diva was enthusiastic because they seemed "normal".

And now we are 5.  The past 2 1/2 years have been full of adjustments.  Ms Diva had been an only child for 13 years.  The boys had lived together in an abusive foster home for over 5 years.  Ms Tween had lived in 8 foster homes with one disrupted adoptive placement.  My family who live very far away thought I was crazy.

So that's where we are...there hasn't been a "Man named Brady" so the title of the post is a bit misleading.  But this group has somehow formed a family!

1 comment:

Denise said...

I'm so sorry about the adoption that fell through and about the little boy. I've never experienced either of those and I can't even imagine the heartache. We've had several adoptions fall through, but always before the baby was in our home. That felt like a death, and I know it would be even harder if we'd bonded with the baby. We've considered older adoption, but it didn't happen. Adoption is wonderful and it's also just plain hard! It never gets boring, that's for sure.

I enjoyed reading about how your family came to be!