Monday, October 18, 2010
Sean is 11 years old. He came to live with me from another state a few days before he turned 9. Our adoption was finalized when he was 10. He was in foster care for 6 years.
Sean is brilliant. He is a math whiz. He reads on a high school level. He is an incredible writer. He is an artist who draws beautifully. He has a mind for Science and can build and create things out of any objects. He is talented in so many ways.
Sean has extreme ADHD and takes medication which helps him immensely. He has at times been my most cooperative child.
Sean is an anomaly.
Sean has a history of stealing from me, lying to me and disappearing for hours. His room is full of trash, food remnants and bugs as a result of this. I have to have a lock on the fridge.
Sean's intelligence makes him a frustrating person to deal with once he's determined that he is right. He is argumentative with me. He can be outwardly defiant and passive aggressive. Sean cannot be left alone at home because he will go in my room (or any other room) and take stuff.
Sean wants to do well in school. But his disorganization makes this difficult. He does his homework and doesn't turn it in. In middle school, he is on the advanced track, but it's kicking his butt.
The hardest thing lately is Sean wants to have power over me. And he does on a certain level. He purposely makes me late for work. I am a middle school teacher and I have a homeroom. I must be at work before the kids. But I have not been there lately. He will not get in the car and he tells me he wants me to be late. I start my day with this stress and then I end it with stress when he has to stay awake until late at night. I can't go to sleep until he is asleep.
Sean is loud and obnoxious. Sean is quiet and contemplative. If I told him this, I can hear him now, "Mom! I'm a walking oxymoron!" Yes, son, you are.
I love this boy. I will feel really bad about my lack of parenting skills if he does not grow into a wonderful and responsible man.
Yet, I feel my overstressed, sarcastic parenting style is creating some monsters. And Sean seems more than happy to star in my horror film (well...maybe psychological thriller). I know parenting has its ups and downs, but I am getting more and more worried that there will be no happy ending to this story.