I feel like this blog has been negative so far. And I don't mean it to be. Our lives ARE very stressful. But lately, it's been so much worse for me.
I have never liked the summer with its hot weather and lack of structure. This past summer we did have a mostly fun 3500 mile round trip by car (ONE driver) to visit family. THAT was an adventure and I lived through it. But for the rest of the summer, money was tight and stress was high.
So, I was expecting life to get back to "normal" when school started. But it's just added another layer of stress. I have had some health problems that are probably partly stress related. Everything feels overwhelming.
I have always been happy to be a single parent, but it feels very lonely and overwhelming lately. The children are all too immature and self centered to worry about me. And I am reluctant to share the level of dysfunction in my home to anyone else including family. So, I struggle alone.
My children are so high maintenance. Maybe all kids are, but mine feel so much more than most and it doesn't feel like it gets better as they get older. It may be worse or maybe it just ticks me off more to have to constantly pick up after kids who are 10, 11, 12 and 15. And they don't seem to care.
The worst part is that it is taking the joy out of our lives. My children all have wonderful qualities and we could have so much fun together. But I can't get beyond the day to day survival mode.
So, how does one get past this and find joy? I miss the feeling of looking forward to fun things. I miss not being angry. My children will only be young once and I want them to have good memories.